April 01, 2005

OC Yuppies Distinguish Themselves

You may have read/listened to this one already, but in case you haven't:

http://www.snopes.com/crime/cops/burger.asp

. . . a transcript and audio recording of a real, live phone call that a San Clemente woman made to 911 when Burger King failed to provide her with the order she wanted.

There are so many levels of stupidity operating here -- the largest, of course, being that people with real problems could have received a busy signal during her call -- but her base mistake was driving into Burger King and asking for a "Western Burger". Lady, I think you wanted Carl's Jr. instead ...

(My favorite piece of the transcript: "Well, what are we protecting you from, a wrong cheeseburger?")

On Wednesday, I was stuck at our local Sav-On, the Pharmacy From Hell. (The straw finally broke the camel's back this time; now we'll be taking our custom to Rite-Aid, hoping that they're merely the Pharmacy From Heck.) My agony was prolonged by a beanpole white guy in his late thirties, who wasn't in my line, but was talking loudly enough so that everyone in the front half of the store could hear:

"You know, a murder -- somebody just getting shot like that -- that's the kind of thing you just expect here! That's why I live in Villa Park! That kind of thing never happens in Villa Park!

"You know why that kind of thing happens here? Because of the lousy neighborhoods here -- around here, you've got people living in apartments -- living in the projects. You've got lots of -- bad people living here."

"But in Villa Park, we don't have people like that! That's why it's worth living there! Good people in a good neighborhood -- you can feel safe!"

"See? Doesn't that make sense? Do you understand what I'm saying?"

His companion was mutely nodding, hunched inward like she was trying to shrink into herself and disappear. It was clear that she'd been exposed to this kind of public diatribe many times before -- and that while loudmouth man was oblivious to everything but his own stunning logic, she was aware that everyone around was just staring at them. And while nobody actually came out and said well, why don't you stop slumming with us bad people and go back to Villa Park then, asshole?, a number of people looked like they were definitely thinking it.

Villa Park is one of northern Orange County's nicer suburban neighborhoods, but it's certainly not the be-all-and-end-all, the exclusive and gated Beverly Hills or Malibu of "The OC". I wouldn't trade downtown Anaheim's streets of early 20th-century bungalows for VP's 1960s and 1970s tract homes. And "the projects"? Excuse me, but did you take a wrong turn and end up in, say, Chicago or Detroit during your six-mile drive over from your precious suburban enclave?

I can only hope that some of my neighborhood homeboys mugged the guy as soon as he left the store, giving some life to his paranoid-suburbanite fantasies, or that he got home to the safety of Villa Park to find that his poolboy had just been assassinated on the front lawn in a drive-by shooting.

Posted by Kevin at April 1, 2005 11:05 AM
Comments

That 911 call is disturbing. I wonder how many real emergencies the dispatcher wasn't able to handle due to the woman's studpidity?

Posted by: J at April 2, 2005 01:49 AM

I've got to hope that it was a slow night, and that 911 operators have some kind of call-status display showing if there are any other calls waiting in the hopper.

I've since read that the dispatcher was located and interviewed on local radio; she admitted that she was totally boggled by the woman, and kept her on for longer than she should have, waiting to see if there was any kind of actual crime or harm that motivated the woman's call.

Posted by: Kevin at April 2, 2005 09:31 AM
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