March 28, 2007

I Hate Heelys

If I ever meet the man who invented Heelys, I will personally strangle him with my bare hands. If you have no idea what Heelys are, consider yourself very, very lucky. Heelys are tennis shoes with wheels in the heels. They look like this:
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The wearer, 99.9% of the time a child, can then skate along instead of walking like a normal person. The wheels do not retract, so wearing Heelys requires you to walk on your toes or to skate (or to go flying backwards, as the case may be). The child generally takes a few running "steps" (since that part involves basically shoving your toe into the ground I hate to call them steps) to build up momentum and then glides along, returning to running to stop. Running being a relative term.

The danger factor is apparent here, as is the damage to a child's toes, ankles, knees, and every other body part involved in walking due to being forced into such a bizarre shuffling gait. However, the annoyance factor is much higher. People let their children wear these things to Disneyland. To DISNEYLAND!!! What the hell? Perhaps I was just brought up strangely when my parents dressed us in layers and made sure we were wearing sensible shoes for walking and standing around an amusement park all day. I'm telling you, dozens and dozens of Heely-wearing kids come through our store daily. They're obnoxious. They're constantly running into things--displays, for example, but mostly other people. They are constantly running over toddlers and tripping over strollers and just plain other people in the store. Heely wearers are quite often wobbling and grabbing on to things and people (to whom they are not related--just anyone who is handy) and just generally creating a safety hazard and a nuisance all over the place.

Here's an open message to parents everywhere: Heelys are NOT SHOES. Just because they are sold in a shoe store and look just like shoes does not make them shoes. Heelys are sporting equipment, just like roller skates, rollerblades, and skateboards. Here's an example that demonstrates why Heelys are skates and not shoes. Heelys' own website states clearly that Heelys should always be worn with protective gear. One does not need protective gear when wearing shoes. You can join Team Heely and show off your tricks and stunts wearing your Heelys. Here's some videos! There is a word for tricks and stunts done while wearing shoes, and that word is dancing.

Heelys should not be allowed anywhere that other types of skates aren't allowed. Sorry--call me un-fun and stodgy if you will, but Heelys are a hazard to your child and everyone around him or her. It is true that one does not skate the entire time one is wearing Heelys, so a rollerblading analogy would not be a good one, but they are very much like skateboards in that one can choose to skate or not choose to skate. Heelys are just not appropriate for places like Disneyland.

It is my sincere hope that people will start seeing Heelys as sporting equipment (which they are) and not as shoes (which they are not) and treat them accordingly.

Posted by Shelby at March 28, 2007 08:10 PM

Yes, I know of the Heely. Luckily, Corie's foot is adult size and too big for Heelys. Now I need to protect my younger child from the influence of the evil Heely.

Posted by: Katrina at March 29, 2007 06:48 AM

all i have to is that if your wheels don't come out then you don;t have the brand HEELYS you probly have some off brand that's probly fake you might want to get some help with that dear.

Posted by: suki at August 7, 2007 08:57 PM

Thank you for commenting, Suki dear. Did you happen to read my post? Indeed I don't have the brand HEELYS, nor do I have some off brand (which by definition would be fake). I don't have shoes with wheels in them at all. Wheels that come out and wheels that retract are two different things. I very much wish that Disneyland required Heely (or fake off brands) wearers to remove the wheels and walk around like normal people.

Also, you might want to get some help with your punctuation, dear.

Posted by: Shelby at August 7, 2007 09:10 PM

umm u need to shut up lady come on the guy who invented the heelys is rodger adams .and he is the coolest man evr if i met him i would give him 999999999999999999999$'s becouse heelys rock u dont have to walk just skate im a heely professnol im on the heelys team .. when u try them and get good at them then u will like them lady so shut the f up ok and im 11 and i can kick ur a$$ at a heely contest ......AvA ViCiOUS

Posted by: matt at November 22, 2007 09:27 AM

Wow Matt--you've really provided a convincing argument here. I shall say no more.

Posted by: Shelby at November 22, 2007 10:59 AM

im sry for being rude but heelys are cool and safe but sometimes there not when u fall...but u should not strangle adam for making thes shoes ...

Posted by: matt at November 26, 2007 03:02 PM

The first place I ever even saw Heely's was at Disneyland. We were AP holders and went often on weeknights, when the parks are nearly empty and most of those in attendance are AP holders, too. There was a woman with 2 boys, about 8 and 10 years old who were wearing Heely's waiting for the tram. We saw them a couple of times inside the parks as well. When the parks are nearly empty like that and the kids wearing them are very capable in their use, I dont' see a problem with it. Of course, if they were running into me or my kids, I'd feel differently.

Posted by: Brandy at July 19, 2008 11:36 AM
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